tension...

amir went to kl last nite just to get pieces of old money..i guess a new business is on..i just let him with his business...cik su called, to get a help..may be regarding her financial problem...if i were you, i wud come back home, satart anew...i just cannt take it any more...everybody seems to think i have a lot of money...the fact is...bullshit...im damn broke...apis pun another story...weird...it reaches the level that i cannot trust you anymore...too many stories...ehsan dgn ceritanya...i really pity him, to have a long distance marriage is not easy to handle...be patient..ije pulak at this age, sometimes just like toddlers wanting some sweets...abah dgn cara dia...itulah bahananya bila dapat bini yg anginnya muda...if only they can mellow down, my family can unite again, somethingt is amiss in this family...i guess it's the way we were brought up...but, i really miss the happiness that once Allah gave to us...

i hope that maymay can understand me...at least once..understand how i'm afraid of him...his words...im more vocal but then, im more direct...dunno...im fated to face all these i guess..

Ya Allah...aku tunduk berserah...satukanlah kembali keluarga ku...kukuhkanlah ikatan perkahwinanku...berkatilah hidup anak2 ku, murahkanlah rezki kami, ya Allah...

not again...pls...

again...he is moody, just dunno what i'm supposed to do, any action that i deid which against his wish sill end me up in the hell...at least for a few coming days...i just dunno what to expect from him, feeling frustrated, yes..as if all my sacrifices are not paid off...

This is my daily time table from sunday to tuesday..
530 am ironing the kids' bj skolah
700 am go to school n send dina nag angah
200 pm g terapi skjap smntara tunggu ini blk fardu ain - mind u, im teaching 26 solid English and muet periods..imagine how tired i am by noon
315 pm ambik angah, send him home, so that he'll have his lunch and bath
345 pm ambik dina, hantar blk, singgah sembahyang zohor n mandi, ambik angah, hntr billion n terus g maahad, fetch along
530 pm sampai rumah...teman amir mkn nasi
745 pm hantar anak2 tuition n tahfiz
1000 pm ambik anak2
blm lg masa aku g accompany amir jumpa kwn2 dia, chatting or playing bowling...when is the time for myself?????
Yet, amir can easily show face to me...as if i didnt contribute anything to our marriage...praises for me??? only in front of his friends...duit blnja...aku mmg tak sempat buat saving...all gone for my kids and the households...apa lagi yang tak puas hatinya???

are there anybody in this world yang hidupnya tenang tanpa masalah??? i just wonder because i keep telling myself, it's ok nee, relax...let him be.... although the smtms it's just to much to bear...

i know just how to whisper n i know jst how to cry
i know just where to find the answer and i know just when to lie
but i don't know how to leave u, n i'll never let you fall...

it's okay...i'll face it as long as my strenth is still there...once it's gone...i think it's about the time for me to make the ultimate decision for my life...not for the 3 iman anymore...who knows...

give up...or stay fighting????

1 year...i havent defend my proposal...feeling frustrated, it cannot be ignored...i just can see the sparkling of light at the end of the tunnel...AFTER ONE YEAR...imagine that. I thought doing phd is just as simple as doing my master...nope...i'm wrong, obviously wrong...

Alhamdulillah, i managed to write out 50-page proposal...still, i dont have the heart to send it to Dr aiza, i fel that it looks silly...it doesnt reach the level of phd yet...still inside my heart, i whispered...u can do it...take a step at a time...you can do it...but...am i on the right track????

Confusion...confusion...frustration...frustration...i', so afraid but i cannot voice it to others...giving up or stay fighting for it????i'm really confused...

i just took my f6b1 to create blogs...why is it so difficult???i think i know all the steps but i failed to make them create the blogs...what's wrong???

firsttimeonline

Hi..hi...my first time hands-on blogging. what triggers e to blog? just happen after i read my little sister blog, i feel that this is a good way to express nyself without having anybody judging me. I love writing and normally i pour everything in my journal..just like what i forced my students to do...but then, this is more fun since i can actually be in front of my laptop and do my work and i feel like expressing a piece of my mind, i just go to my blog. This gives me an idea..why not, next year, i force my ss to have their own blog, at least i'm exposing them to technology and i can checktheir work at anytime i want. Ha...ha...ha... i can imagine my students' reaction...they will give me that damn look...and i'll give them my damn look....ha..ha...why didn't i think of this idea earlier?